August 28. 2008

I don't know how to decide....I have such a great boss, great working conditions and a way to get school paid for.  I don't want to give that up, but I'm also really tired of not being with my husband.  I miss him so much.  I wish that he could understand that he wouldn't be stuck here...that he should come here for a visit and see what is going on here before he just decides that he cannot leave Japan...I wish that things with his relatives didn't always seem to get in the way of us.....

August 24,2008

I spoke with my husband today.   We have talked about what is really important for us individually and as a family.  I feel like I will be giving up a lot, but I think I will be going back to Japan.  Our children need both parents, and until certain things are clarified and finished, he cannot come here.  I really want to get this good job, and he totally would support me staying here, but, he cannot come until things are finished.    I could start  my masters this fall...but he wouldn't be here.  I could probably handle it, but I think I would be nuts in a few months.  The cost of living is killing me and I don't (can't) see any other way.  I promised the kids that I would never leave them.  I cannot do that to them.  They are too little and they must have their mama.  I don't really want to give up getting a masters much less free, but, family is more important that a sheepskin that says I can teach...I have nine years of experience and I can go back to working for Panasonic and perhaps there will be more. 

I guess I just needed to hear that he hasn't changed his mind.  I haven't changed my mind either.

Relationships between people can be difficult in the same language, but in two languages and two cultures it is always an endeavor to make sure that you are on the same page.  Over the phone is really hard...

August 23, 2008.

I have been home most of the day.  I had to work on a database for our books that we will sell this fall at our school.  I have been working on databases for the school without a lot of class time...I'm self taught.  I just started playing with Access and have been able to understand it ( not completely) well enough to muddle through on my own.

My Dad took the kids with him in the morning so I could do my work at home.  It was nice to have some peace and quiet.  He went to my bosses place and checked out this old RX-7 that has a penchant for flooding.  My dad got the poor this started ( much to my boss' surprise) and did some diagnostic work on the red ass rocket.  While my dad did that, my boss was babysitting my 2 kids....I have got to have the best boss in the whole world!  He gives me raises, he gives me pearls, he listens to my opinions and backs me up when some jerk tries to mow me down.  He's awesome!

I just translated some information into Japanese for my husband so that we can decide if we are going to live here in the states for a few years now, or later....I have a great opportunity at work...we are most likely going to become part of the university, so that would mean that I could go to graduate school for almost free ( gotta pay the school fess).  Also I would be guaranteed a yearly raise and all the benefits that go with the privilege of working at a university.  I won't know all the details until the end of September...that seems like such a long time to wait...

Meanwhile, my mother's health is getting better, and I really need to be with my husband and the kids really need their Papa...I was planning on going back to Japan around the end of the year, start the new year back together....I would also be able to save up money to actually buy the tickets....one way for all  three of us is about $2500!!!!! The gas companies are raping everyone!  Last year that figure would have been about $1300!   Ok, I'll stop complaining  I'm just sick of seeing the few people at the top of the financial world getting richer and richer while the rest of us just barely eek out a living....

I have worked and worked and I cannot save any money. It is impossible to save anything for retirement let alone something for the kids' education.  I had to pay $1000 a month for childcare when I first started working, and I was only making $1700 a month...school loans, car loan, my house is 25 miles from work so the gas needed to go to work is astronomical!!  I now make a little more than when I started, but the childcare is still taking the bulk of my money, as is gas.  At the end of the month, I bounce at least 3 checks because if I don't  write them, I cannot get gas, food or diapers that I need for the kids.

Please, someone tell me that this is going to get better!!   If I cannot make a substantial  living in the US, I will have to leave my home country, I don't really want to, but it may be necessary.